Friday, 5 December 2008

Nothing

My glasses decided today that they had had enough and were not going to put up with my abuse anymore. After sleeping on them again, and twitching them into something worthy of the Guggenheim, I tried to give them their true shape back. The right arm snapped like a twig in my guilty hand. Luckily, over the last decades a handsome bit of technology has been applied to the idea of "glue". I applied the idea, the technology and the product.

Today I've also kicked goodbye the preposterous salmon coating of my room. I've splashed and sloshed and worked and sweated and sworn quite a bit, but now I'm the happy paint-spotted tenant of an empty room glowing in glorious white.

Why am I telling these stories? Because they're all I've got. That's how interesting my life has become. That's how full of magic and surprise and ecstatic amazement my everyday is. Right, I once more go out, do stuff, meet people and drink more than a reasonable amount. But it's not the same. Something's changed. Something's missing. There's a big black hole sucking away the sparks, and it's deep inside me.

I wish I could tell you of euphoria and ecstasy, of epiphanic insights into the clockwork of the universe, of lives other than my own and places other than this. But that would be pure artifice. The feeling is gone. The Childlike Empress must be ill: the Nothing is here.

5 comments:

Gabriel Menotti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gabriel Menotti said...

keep on hopping mate!

that's life!

MakurA said...

Tronco, siento escuchar que ya no estás tan ilusionado. Pero es normal, juer. Si esperabas que un año apalancado en una ciudad europea iba a parecerse en algo a ir mochila al hombro por Australia, ibas equivocado.

Si no hay calma antes de la lluvia, esta no sería especial, no crees?

Un abrazote, Gañán!

euge said...

But why should the Child Empress be ill? Maybe it decided it was time to grow up a bit and change into a new perception.

Which still doesn't help understand the sucking black hole.

Sometimes we scream our apprehensions in too metaphoric texts and those around us are too blind to see, too deaf to hear, too dumb to speak.

Will you give it a name? or is it that you yourself don't find a name for it?

MasterMan said...

Gabriel: Thx, mate! I'll defn'ly keep hopping around, awaiting a longer hop ;)

Maku: muy bien visto eso, pero no era exactamente la razón de mi aflicción.

euge: Don't strain your eyes; there is nothing to see or understand, no hidden metaphorical meaning. Yet you are right. I need to give her a name.