Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Send me an angel

I woke up to an overflowing bladder and the worst hangover in a decade. I pinballed my wretched body wall-to-wall all the way to my crappy latrine. As I watched several litres of yellow excretion flee my body and transfer to the London sewage system, recollection dawned.

Or it should have. It actually didn't. Doing my best to piece together the shards of my shattered memory, this is what I think happened. I ingested vast quantities of alcohol in the shape of an amber flowing fluid, at a handy measure of one pound sterling per every half-litre container. I talked to people. I queued for more half-litre containers. I danced. I danced?? I danced! At one point, I looked at the bar and they had just stopped serving drinks.

Then there's suddenly no more information. A black screen. Cut to the next scene, where I am trying to make my way home. Apparently an earthquake is in process, for I have difficulty walking straight and in an upright position. Sudden cut to the next scene, where I am puking my guts out, then I fall down and pass out.

Then a big black emptiness. Then, sudden cut to mid-action, where I am talking to someone. I look up. Under a blinding light, a pale-faced, ginger-haired young man dressed in bright white is helping me to my feet and talking me back to my senses.

I don't know what we're talking about, but I guess I'm giving him my life-story rant: where I'm from, where I'm now, why I'm in the gutter. He follows attentively and encouragingly. He's being very nice to me. The fumes of alcohol clouding my vision clear up a bit and I take a better look at him. He's dressed in white, yes: white trainers, white sneakers, a white cap. He has a shabby beard of 4 hairs and crooked, unpaired teeth.

We talk on for a while, but now we're walking. Somehow now I'm managing to walk in a straight line, so, his mission fulfilled, he sees me off. Over my shoulder, I thank him somehow, but I can't remember any words, just connotative goodwill and friendliness, which he graciously acknowledges. Here recollection stops: a damp smell and the sound of pouring urine bring back the now.

Suddenly alarmed, I pinball back to my room and check that I came back with all my stuff: money, check; mobile, check; glasses, check. I hit the hay again with such a feeling of gratitude as I haven't felt in ages. Thank you, guardian angel with crooked teeth.

9 comments:

euge said...

...And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?
Would you sell your story to Rolling Stone?
Would you take the children away
And leave me alone?
And smile in reassurance
As you whisper down the phone?
Would you send me packing?
Or would you take me home?

Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings,
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down.
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut.

"Hello? Listen, I think I've got it. Okay, listen its a HaHa!"...

MasterMan said...

I'm sorry but I don't really get the connection to The Final Cut :'-(

"Send me an angel" is indeed a song, by the Scorpions. Though the lyrics are completely unrelated to this story, I love the song and used the name :o)

Btw, got the name of the post wrong, just changed it.

Send me an angel

The wise man said just walk this way
To the dawn of the light
The wind will blow into your face
As the years pass you by
Hear this voice from deep inside
It's the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The passage out of the dark

Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

The wise man said just find your place
In the eye of the storm
Seek the roses along the way
Just beware of the thorns

Here I am
Will you send me an angel
Here I am
In the land of the morning star

The wise man said just raise your hand
And reach out for the spell
Find the door to the promised land
Just believe in yourself
Hear this voice from deep inside
It's the call of your heart
Close your eyes and your will find
The passage out of the dark

euge said...

"The Final Cut" is a indeed a song, by Pink Floyd. It speaks about the shattered dreams of a soldier fighting the Falklands war , trying to wash away the futility of so many absurd deaths and impaired lives - his own included - in the name of the supremacy of the Empire.

It rammed home at seeing how easy it is for you to have a blind faith in the right-time-right-place equation. It fitted perfectly the image of you in the gutter, unconscious: hey Fate, I'll hide and you'll (try and)seek me.

You should write to a London newspaper, thank the angel dressed in white - I'm SO sorry, but it is NOT funny. And that is why it can hardly pass as a piece of "interesting times".

Yiyi said...

I'm sorry to get into this matter, thouhg I think I have to participate.

Hia! My name is Yiyi, i apologize for no giving news about Nothing at all, I was preparing myself, I'll tell you about that.

Well my friend at the distance. This black out could be some of a symtome, I really wish you get to manage the situation. Me myself, been there as well, in the ditch, in the drunken side. Courage to know that is not the way you gotta go, it is time to give you a caprice to cheer you up, it is time to do what you like, what you desire to encourage you.

Write you an email I will.

MakurA said...

Yo seré lo peor como siempre y postearé en español.

Tendría mucho que decir, y debo aguantar las ganas, porque pensemos... Qué tipo de hombres (asumamos que los ángeles si existen no ayudan a borrachos) visten de blanco? COmo no creo que Tom Jones te ayudara, eso deja sólo sospechosos motivos.

Comprobaste la cartera el móvil y esas cosas, pero... Pudiste sentarte correctamente el día después? xDDD

Nah, tenía que hacer la broma fácil. Anda, no seas borrachuzo y córtate cuando de neblina la cosa pase a barro. Será mejor para tu hígado, tu bolsillo y probablemente tu trasero =P

Un abrazote!

PS. Con lo interesante que estaba el hilo de comentarios y voy yo y me pongo a decir sandeces... Soy lo peor V_V

MasterMan said...

Yiyi: I had no idea you have become "Born-Again" samaritan :D

Answer your email I will, master Yiyi/Yoda.

Maku: Llegas muy tarde con el chiste. Si no lo he puesto en este post es porque lo repito hasta la saciedad y más allá cada vez que alguien me cuenta una historia de borrachera y no recordar algo la mañana siguiente. Está muy desgastado ya xDD

Pues te diré qué tipo de hombres visten de blanco. Los mismos que visten chándal adidas blanco y deportivas blancas y gorra de rapero en Madrid, pero en versión británica, y en este caso, en majo.

Ahora me toca a mí preocuparme, por tu estado de ánimo concretamente. En un comentario cortito has empezado y terminado con "soy lo peor". ¿Qué te tiene tan baja la autoestima? ¿O era por cerrar el cír-culo? xDD

euge said...

It's been twelve days since I get this constant appeal every time I blog in: Send me an angel.

I wish I could, but even if the guardian angel were available, where should I send her/him/it? To Juniper House?

Dacoga said...

Ey tio cuanto tiempo sin tener noticias tuyas ...
Por lo que cuentas en el blog todo bien, pero ... bailando!! dios que le echan hay a la cerveza!!
jeje
Lo que cuentas sobre la rutina y el aburrimiento de la monotonia me suena ... que te voy a contar que no sepas, lo del viaje mochilero puede estar bien pero de visita todos somos my majos y demas pero con el tiempo te das cuenta que no todo lo que reluce es oro, que esos pequeños detalles de zafiedad que pasan al principio desapercividos acabas perciviendolos, pero nada es perfecto, todos y todos los sitios son asi, con sus cosas buenas pero tambien con las malas...
es lo que nos hace humanos, aunque hay algunos mas humanos que otros.
Ps: bueno cuidate y haber si nos vemos cuando bajes y ya te seguire por el blog ... y si te apetece perder el tiempo con el mio pasate por el, o no ... as u'wish ..

paumickey said...

Hei!!!!!! It's been a while... Luego dices de otros con la bebida pero por lo que veo... Casi me da un algo cuando leo este tipo de posts, en fin. You dancing!!! I would have loved to see that... Menos mal que el hombre misterioso te encontró. Well, this is only to wish you Merry Christmas HO,HO,HO!!! Igual pasas de las Navidades pero yo no, y como en estas fiestas se piensa en la famlily and friends que están lejos...pos nada. Be careful with the amount of amber flowing fluid you drink!!! Best wishes.
Paulilla.